It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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