a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
