I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
