somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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