Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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