Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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