everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
