I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I supernannyed him into submission
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
