Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
