My brain says no but my pants say off.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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