Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
