when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
