Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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