so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
