and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
