I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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