i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
