Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
