my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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