She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
