I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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