what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
