about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
