Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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