I can tuck mytits in my pants
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
