don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
