Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
