just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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