Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
