first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
