i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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