Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
