i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
