somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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