You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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