After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
