I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize