Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
