I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
