Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
