someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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