I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
