i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize