I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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