we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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