So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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