i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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