I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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