You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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