I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
