fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
