If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
