I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
