my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
