I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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