i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
