Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
