My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
