His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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