its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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