well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
