i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
