I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
