Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
