I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
