I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
