if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize