So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
