ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
