is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
