i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
