so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
