I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
