I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
