You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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