do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
