did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
