...so i touched it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
